Letting go of the past…

February 6, 2008

Something I wrote for a play, somewhere in the past…

Living in the past, I now embrace the future ’cause what’s the question? To be or not to be, that is the question…
This is such a day, a day that you would like to pause your live, with a push on a button: pause, rewind, play over and over and over again.. that one moment that will always be mine, or is it a dream a fantasy?

Do you still remember? Do you still remember our first kiss? I didn’t eat for three days. Everyone thought I was sick, but it was pure love, at least for me. For you… a little. Your meaning of the word love was so different from mine.. and still.. I gave you 5 years of my young life. Five years of being in love, five years of longing for a glimpse, a touch, a kiss… You, who were playing games and enjoyed all of my attention. You, who knew when to touch my lips, move my soul with your sweet intentions or a true love letter. Seeing you every morning and every night, those ten minutes belonged just to the two of us. The tender words you whispered to me at those times, I’ll never forget. But now, now it is time to say goodbye. Time to finally end ‘our’ last chapter, my first love, my heart….

Well, you couldn’t make a mistake with my name. You left her for me and you left me for her. It was so much fun, us together: pure fun and lots of pleasure, but that’s all it was. A feeling without depth or intense desire, just lust and a quest for luck. I didn’t say goodbye, neither did you. We bled to death, extinguished without sparks… Awhile ago I heard you’re back wit her.. Same name, but not the same at all…

You looked up and our eyes met. While you were sitting there on that bench, the air was impregnated with love.. and then there… she was. She, the one who made our passion impossible or not? It was our conscious that obstructed us, after awhile. Such a great feeling you gave me, to be desired, over and over again. I could loose myself into your eyes, dream away, talk with you for hours, but at most… sit in silence. You’re the only person with whom silence never was or is awkward. Like that night at the beach.. the world stopped turning, just me and you, that’s all that mattered. A soft breeze at sunset, the light softly dimming, the moon welcoming us and the stars that wish us so much love, so much inaccessible love…


why was it so hard to say that word in the past and why is it so easy now? Two bodies with one heart, one soul, so close and yet so far away. I’ve known you for all my life. You were always my best friend, still are… you make my eyes twinkle and my heart beat faster. You know me and I know you. There’s nobody who can look into my soul, like you.
I enjoy every second we’re together, ever second I can get lost in your eyes en every moment your voice wins over my heart. You, you that are so connected to me, so passionate, so desired and so secret. The world isn’t allowed to know ‘us’. You’ve got your own ‘us’, as do I. An ‘us’ that can not or may not be an ‘us’. Why was it so hard to say ‘love’ in the past and why is it so easy to say ‘I love you’ now? I love you, I care for you, I… love… you…

Now it is time, time to let go of the past, ’cause true love has found its way into my heart. A smile, fun, friendship and genuine love.
People sitting next to us, but still we are alone
no voices, no music when your eyes meet mine
just entering into each others soul
the place where only you and me exist, the beating of our heart
so loud and clear when you are near.
My heart will always beat the same rhythm as mine, now and forever…
I love you beyond death…


One Response to “Letting go of the past…”

  1. Sean Says:

    Something you wrote for a play? This sounds to real not to be. Has parts of your reality made this play? You seem like you feel “I love you beyond death…” a lot. I wish it wasn’t so late so I could think of something to write. But my mind is tired. Maybe next time…

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