March 8, 2006

I don’t know what’s wrong with days like today. It seems like I’m stuck in the past. My heart sometimes really aches when I thing about ‘old’ friends, while at this moment I have all my heart desires: a dear loving husband and an adorable son. Today is a day of melancholy.

Maybe I should completely let go of the past, but who is counting the times I’ve tried that?
‘Keep on going, don’t look back’; but each and every time I do look back. Some people just leave such impressions in your heart, you’re connected forever. And is it really necessary that I let go of my past?

I miss V en if I hear or see her, I still mis her: the old V, the ‘let’s go crazy’ V. She’s changed or is it me, who has changed?
I miss a real friend, a buddy, someone who’s always there, no matter what.
I miss Kev, my devil.. so many arguments, so much babbling, so much friendship and love…
I miss Karl, the friend who showed me what friendship is all about. Thank you for that and I’ll always love you.
I miss the theater, the thrill of being on stage, the nerves beforehand.
I miss singing, the public, the applause
I miss creativity
I miss being reckless
I miss so many people who’ve meant so much to me in a, what seems to be a long lost, life
and when I look at today and everything I have now, all the ‘missing’ fades away, except on days as today…

On a day as today I feel lonely, immensely lonely. I’m in need of a pair of big, strong arms to hold me: the arms from the past, the memories. Swallow me, devour me… seduce me, love me…

To all the people from my past who know, but whom I never told: I love you and I miss you.
To all the people in my life now who know, but whom I never tell: I love you too.
To all the people in my future who know, but whom I’ll never tell: I love you.


One Response to “Thoughts”

  1. kMikaZu Says:

    Just wanna say that I’m there for the three off you. I know you guys are having a very difficult time.
    Keep on fighting and loving each other. But don’t forget your own life!!!

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