Latest update

November 12, 2005

The biggest question that has been spooking inside my head is: “why?” and I know it’s a stupid question, but I just can’t get it out of my head. My hubby doesn’t deserve this (but then again: who does?), he’s such a gentle and sweet guy. We had some good news too. The cancer is only located in his throat, so no spreading from the disease (yet). The other news we got is that it is a very very very agressive cancer, so we have to act real quickly and in a hard way. The docters said, at first, he would need chemo for 1, or at the most 3 days. This has changed to 5 days. He now has to stay in hospital for 5 whole days and whole nights. That’s going to be very hard for him (and me). We are never apart. The only time we haven’t been with each other all the time, was two years ago when I gave birth to our little boy.
But I’ll probably stay in the hospital too. The little one can go to my parents for that week and I’ll be there for my hubby.

The hardest part about this all, is the fact I want to help him so badly and feel so … helpless…. I try to comfort him, love him, hug him, give ‘m all the attention he needs, but it still feels like I’m not doing enough! I want to take away his pain, take away his doubts and his sorrow… I’ve never seen him so sad… and I love him soooo much… it hurts…

So on tuesday a little device will be inplanted underneath his skin so they can give chemo through that device and don’t need to stick the needles in his arms all the time. And on November 21 chemo will start. At least he’ll be home on his 26th birthday on November 30. That’s nice.. and he’ll be home for Christmas too (he loves christmas).

We’re hanging in there…



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